An Experience of My Friendship with a Narcissist

An Experience of My Friendship with a Narcissist I became friends with Jillian in the summer of 2016, because we both worked at our town’s Parks and Recreation day camp. We became very fast friends, largely due to our willingness and ability to express ourselves to each other, including our honest thoughts and opinions. This summer, things were different. Where our relationship had flowed freely the summer before, we ran into personality and conversational conflicts. I was initially very confused, because I thought that I understood our friendship well. However, we had spent the school year apart, only seeing each other over the occasional break, which led to us experiencing very different circumstances. She had also entered a relationship during the summer, and I largely missed how it affected her life throughout the school year. When I returned home and we started hanging out again, there were subtle differences in her personality that I noticed; a tendency to be more irritable, a lower likelihood to question me in depth about issues I was dealing with, accompanied by a tendency to talk about herself and her relationship problems a disproportionate amount. It was a topic that began to dominate our conversations, and I eventually grew frustrated. I am the type of person that likes to discuss a problem in order to work through it and hopefully come to a solution. This was not Jillian’s intent. She just wanted somebody to vent to about her frustrations, and then hopefully validate her actions. This lead to asymmetrical communication, which â€Å"occurs when people exchange different kinds of information† (GAA 19) and can muddle the lines of communication between two people. Problems started to arise for me when we would cycle through the same behavioral patterns and both Jillian and her significan t other would predictably repeat actions that would create conflict. When things became very tense between the two of them and it began to severely impact her daily life, I asked her if she might want to contemplate the overall health of the relationship. In the months since my return home I had seen her personal health and self-care declining. She began abusing prescription medications, which became a very touchy subject. Since beginning this class, I have come to the tentative conclusion that Jillian could be diagnosed as a narcissist. Narcissism is defined in terms of â€Å"having an exaggerated sense of self-important and a focus on oneself at the expense of others† (G.A.A. 68). She is a very kind and caring personher initial career choice was that of a nursebut a lot of the time she did not realize how disproportionate her focus on herself was. She is beautiful, and has a history of being attracted to others who deeply admire her. She constantly seeks this admiration through her use of dating applications, work interactions, and other various means of communication. Part of her problem with Matt, her long-term boyfriend, was that he was not good at long distance communication. He was not very attentive to his phone throughout the day, which is the complete opposite of Jillian. She had a prescriptive expectancy that he would be responsive to her text messages, because most people of our gene ration usually are. When he did not give her the attention that she anticipated, her expectancies were violated in a negative manner; â€Å"when negative violations occur, people might become angry and dissatisfied with their relationships† (GAA 103). This is precisely what happened, and so when she could not get attention from him, she would pursue other avenues. Men would become infatuated with her, and with her entertaining their advances while feeding off of their compliments, falling in line with the idea that â€Å"narcissists are more focused on the short-term rewards they get from relationships, and therefore look for someone who provides them with immediate admiration rather than long-term mutual liking† (Emmons, 1989; Morf Rhodewalt, 2001). This was something that we discussed openly, I think because she sought validation for her behaviors. I made it a point never to shame her for her actions, because she was very sensitive to my judgement and I did not want to alienate her or make her feel bad about herself. However, I think that there were many instances of misinterpretation between us, which resulted in her feeling criticized and accused, a potential outcome of expectancy violations (GAA 105). I will provide a sample conversation that we had a few months into the summer. I had just apologized for not always understanding her explanations of her behaviors, while explaining that I was currently going through a hard time in my life. It quickly became a heated discussion: Me: â€Å"I need you to be there for me a little bit more. I have a hard time communicating when I am struggling, and I need you to reach out to me for.† Jillian: â€Å"You should have told me sooner. I’m sorry for being such a shitty friend.† Me: â€Å"It’s okay. We’re all shitty friends sometimes.† Jillian, voice raised and with a sharper tone: â€Å"Wow, okay. Sorry I’m just an absolute piece of shit and the worst fucking friend ever. Thanks for that.† At this point I pause, considering my next words. She interprets this as me agreeing with what she said, and is further angered. Me: â€Å"That’s not what I said.† As you may be able to imagine, I was a bit perplexed by this interaction. While my intention was not to upset Jillian, I also did not want to validate her behavior. She had been a rather inattentive friend to me in my time of need, and I saw this as an opportunity to have an honest discussion about how we could both be better friends to each other. I hoped that we would both leave the conversation with a better understanding of each other and our individual needs. Instead, she misinterpreted both my words and my silence, resulting in an intense backlash. I shortened the dialogue in this example, but it continued along the same pattern for about 20 minutes after. I would apologize when I misspoke try and explain my thinking, and she would become angrier as a result. I truly did not understand how to correct this negative behavioral pattern, and I felt stuck in a destructive loop of interactions between us. Clearly, I was not putting enough consideration into how Jillian would react to my words, and there were times where I regretted speaking at all. Narcissists â€Å"have relatively low self-esteem and seek self-esteem boosts,† (GAA 68) a descriptor that falls perfectly in line with her behavior. She has admitted to me on various occasions that she suffers from low self-esteem, something that we can bond over, and that she actively seeks out self-esteem boosts to help make her feel better about herself. I brought up the idea that we want to be able to boost our own self-esteem, rather than relying on the opinions and words of others; or if we did rely on others, they should be friends and other loved ones who know us very well and place true meaning behind their words. I could only bring this up once or twice before she became very defensive. As you can probably deduce, a negative behavior pattern formed between us where she would admit to what I perceived to be behaviors non-conducive to healthily boosting her self esteem and improving her mood. Slowly but surely, a gap began to form between us. Since we mostly talked ab out her problems, there wasn’t as much of an opportunity to discuss my own shortcomings. This created an environment where most of our interactions were centered around her difficulties. making it seem as though I had less flaws than she did. I am also the type of person who will feel compelled to offer advice and aid, which I have come to realize is an area to work on in my own character. These factors together created an air of tension between us where she felt judged and looked down upon by me. I committed what she perceived to be as many social violations, where I â€Å"fail[ed] to act in relationally appropriate ways and instead engage[d] in rude, cold, critical, or condescending behavior† (GAA 108). As you can imagine, this put quite a wedge in our friendship and our ability to positively communicate with each other. The path to recovering our friendship has been a slow one. We took a break from seeing each other for about a month in order to reorient ourselves. I had to develop new expectancies for how Jillian would react to my words and actions, and I imagine that she did the same for me. Our frequency of communication has slowly been increasing again, and she has made more of an effort to ask me how I’m doing. I have also tried harder to open up and share my weaknesses, to both of our benefit. I still need to take breaks from Jillian for periods at a time, but I truly consider her to be a close friend and I hope to work hard with her so that our friendship can last.

Written reflective commentary on group work Assignment

Written reflective commentary on group work - Assignment Example Body I would say this assignment has strengthened my communication abilities within a group setting such as this. It becomes very important when you are working as part of a team to be able to effectively and clearly communicate what it is that you need the other person to understand. Information exchange concerning who will be doing what and devising a schedule and determining who will lead the group are key periods when your communication ability becomes evident. Our group chose to meet weekly to discuss and update each other on what is going on with our part of the task. We had four meetings that the group was able to attend and the final meeting we had to change plans and meet at my flat due to the library being full. We did not have any issues with group members being present and on time. Our group did not find it necessary to have a group leader as we all did our own parts and took equal initiative. Eaxh group member completed their part successfully. We also used email to corr espond and exchanged telephone numbers. Flexibility and patience are elements of a successful group task, both of which I was able to use within the group. I was able to use flexibility when the library was closed. Because my group was on task it wasn’t necessary that I had a great deal of patience.... In dealing with members not contributing there is no reason for me to get angry as I know that I cannot influence the contribution of another. It is best in this case to contact them several times after which if they are still not contributing then let the instructor know and be certain that I have completed my own part to the group task. We did not have any issues with attendance or anyone being tardy for any meetings on the group work. Interpersonal abilities and skills are the main skills one needs to work within a group setting in completing a task. Usually before doing a group presentation you will want to find out who your audience will be. Finding out what they already know about your subject, what their attitude is and what their interest level is in your topic can help you make a more successful presentation. Knowing the size of the audience and what type of people are in is will also help. Are these business members of the community? Are they students? Are they being forced through go to your presentation for job reasons? Are they truly there on their own because they have a deep interest in what you have to say? We also would like a way to receive feedback after we’ve done our presentation/ power point and in this case we will get from the instructor. In forming groups there are different steps and stages to make a successful group that can communicate effectively together. Forming the group is when we are all assigned the group and initially noticing who else is in our group. Storming is when the ground rules get set, roles are clarified, purposes and responsibilities of each individual decided. Norming is when the

Answer ONE of the following questions Assignment

Answer ONE of the following questions - Assignment Example The following paper consists of authentic journal articles and books which highlight differing perspectives on religion. Where some of the theorists and historians believed that the society was stabilized with the help of the existence of religion. On the contrary others emphasize that conflicts with in society is due to the surfacing of the concept of religion. The latter, believes that it does not stabilize society rather it instils hatred in the heart of believers in directly that becomes the reason for the conflict eventually, within a society. In the sands of time, lies the supporting evidence which suggests that religion has always attracted the west as a form intuition that has provided solace to those who are lost and oppressed. Western historians have always pinpointed that religion that can act as a source for revival for those who are in trouble or are in search of hope, and seemingly the religious institutions have never failed to provide hope and courage in the face of d ifficulties. Nevertheless, Steve Bruce argues that modernization and surfacing individualism has re-shaped the concept of religion altogether. The religious beliefs and practices, as well as the standing and position of religion have been altered in the western society (Bruce, 1996). Bruce mentions that in the Middle Ages, religion was straightforward that taught if a certain act was not followed than the hell awaits the individual. Moreover, religion was explained to the masses in Latin which everyone was not aware of, those who professed religion would deliver sermons in the church in Latin and individuals were expected to listen to it and act morally. Saints exerted power for women to get rid of their husbands, while other Saints possessed the power to fight the evil and save the crops and the men. Church back then set the state laws decided among the priests. Therefore, it can be put in to words by saying that back then religion and cult were parallels (Bruce, 1996). However, th e new age of religion surfaced with the entrance of Martin Luther. With his arrival church was changed by introducing different languages. Individuals could now understand what was delivered as sermon in the church, Hymns were sung in folk melodies, and an individualistic approach to God was developed. This approach took a new turn and meaning. People did what they felt was right not what was told to them was right. This introduction of individualism brought with it differing sects, church denominations became secondary, new religions in its wake raised heads. Thus, Bruce emphasizes that freedom in religion is what one could refer to as cult, which will further define religion in the 21st century (Bruce, 1996). Nevertheless, Marx’s Conflict Theory emphasizes the view that in order to control the society there are certain classes that develop tools. These classes have developed the lust to stay in power and in control of those under them. Therefore, in order to maintain the po sition and status quo, tools such as values, norms, and religion are manufactured; including ideology and coercion ideology in order to maintain their position. To Marx religion served as the one of those tools of the Elite class, he emphasized that religion was an ideology that indirectly or directly justified the control and rule of the upper-class. Therefore, it will not be wrong in saying that for Marx the conflict was between the classes and the rat race of staying ahead was the focal point

Language Anthropology in Different Societies Essay

Language Anthropology in Different Societies - Essay Example The development of languages follows cultural experiences of the people owning the language. Some languages remain limited to the societies speaking the language, and their spread remains constrained to limited space location. In localized languages, the grammatical use of languages remains constricted within varied environments; hence limitation in the development of these languages. Linguistic anthropology focuses on different paradigms that enable continuity of languages avoiding extinction of languages, like the cases of various North American languages (Eriksen, 1995). The development of languages in different societies remains unique and follows different societal elements that assist in the composition of languages. Grammatical descriptions of languages help researchers in analyzing the different elements of language development across numerous societies. The socio-cultural identity of language defines how language develops in children as they grow. Children in different societies acquire language skills through the environmental factors affecting social development. Language acquisition skills in children follow the various the various societal elements including the behaviors of the people owning the language (Fedorak, 2008). Within societies, children acquire the languages spoken within their immediate environments. The development of lingual capabilities in children, therefore, remains heavily reliant on the surrounding society and environment. Socialisation remains a fundamental element of language acquisition in children adopting their first language. Individuals living in different societies socialize children to language through naturally occurring stories, often told to children through other individuals within the society. Language acquisition in different societies occurs accompanied by the enculturation, with both processes occurring concurrently.  

SAINT AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSION Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1250 words - 1

SAINT AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSION - Essay Example First, Monica’s outstanding obedience wife to her husband influenced Augustines conversion. In addition, Monica introduced her son to Ambrose, who would later baptize him. Finally, Monica compelled and encouraged Augustine to attend school that shaped his life and would later be a priest. Augustine’s strong conviction to the Christian world originated Monica. Initially, both Patricius, (Augustines father) and Augustine were non-convert and finally got saved through the influence of Monica. Monica prayed to God on behalf of her husband’s soul and Augustine. â€Å"With a pure heart and faith in you she even more lovingly travailed in labor for my eternal salvation.†1 Augustine wonders how his parents lived harmoniously with each other saves to Monica. Monica was a God fearing individual and served her husband as her lord with care to her children. Her marvelous traits inform Augustine’s strong need for conversion. She is, therefore, significantly inspirational to Augustine making him grow as a God fearing individual hence his conversion to Christianity. Monica instills good morals to her son based on how she cared for her family, husband and merciful manner she submitted to serve God. From the assertions of Augustine, â€Å"When I was a boy, I had heard about eternal life promised to us through the humility of our Lord God. Coming down to our pride, and I was already sighed with the sigh of the cross and seasoned with salt from the time I came from my mother’s womb.†2 From here, we realize that it was the mother that firstly drew Augustine’s attentions towards the Lord. Monica became so amiable to Augustine’s father and vowed never to have a quarrel with her husband. Augustine also asserts that, ‘she anxiously labored to convince me that you, my God, were my father rather than he, and in this endeavor you helped her to gain victory over her husband.†3 From this quote, it is justified that Monica was

Diversity Research Paper Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 750 words - 2

Diversity - Research Paper Example Lost is an action, adventure, mystery, serial drama, science fiction and mystical drama film, While Greys Anatomy is an American medical drama series. In Lost, a plane, ‘oceanic 815’, flying to Los Angeles crashes on a mystifying island, leaving its survivors marooned in it without the resources to get help from the mainland. Greys Anatomy is all about the lives of the interns, inhabitants and their mentors in the illusory Seattle Grace hospital. It depicts their struggles to achieve their medical internships and have proper personal lives. In the two films, Asian American characters have been cast in quality roles. Lost has featured four Asian American characters; ‘Daniel Dae Kim’, ‘Yunjin Kim’ and ‘Naveen Andrews’ for main characters, and Ken Leung as a minor character. Greys Anatomy features Sandra Oh as the only character of Asian American descent. The Asian American characters in Lost have been given different roles; Daniel Dae Kim plays the husband of Yunjin Kim who is the offspring of an influential Korean entrepreneur and mobster. Naveen Andrews plays the role of a former Iraqi republican guard, while Ken Leung plays the role of a sarcastic supposed ghost whisperer. Greys Anatomy Sandra Oh plays the role of a surgical intern who progresses to a full surgeon. Asian Americans are underrepresented in primetime films, as white film writers do not write for this ethnic group. Asian American characters encompass only of 4% of the prime time television populace (Kendall, 186). Preponderance of the characters portrayed in key television population is cast in drama and science fiction making up 63%. 21% are cast in crime or law enforcement series, and 16% are cast in sitcoms or comedies (Kendall, 186). There are ranges of rationale why Asian Americans are underrepresented in prime time shows. Firstly, tribal issues frequently come up with writers writing for white characters only (Larson, 69). Secondly,

Language Anthropology in Different Societies Essay

Language Anthropology in Different Societies - Essay Example The development of languages follows cultural experiences of the people owning the language. Some languages remain limited to the societies speaking the language, and their spread remains constrained to limited space location. In localized languages, the grammatical use of languages remains constricted within varied environments; hence limitation in the development of these languages. Linguistic anthropology focuses on different paradigms that enable continuity of languages avoiding extinction of languages, like the cases of various North American languages (Eriksen, 1995). The development of languages in different societies remains unique and follows different societal elements that assist in the composition of languages. Grammatical descriptions of languages help researchers in analyzing the different elements of language development across numerous societies. The socio-cultural identity of language defines how language develops in children as they grow. Children in different societies acquire language skills through the environmental factors affecting social development. Language acquisition skills in children follow the various the various societal elements including the behaviors of the people owning the language (Fedorak, 2008). Within societies, children acquire the languages spoken within their immediate environments. The development of lingual capabilities in children, therefore, remains heavily reliant on the surrounding society and environment. Socialisation remains a fundamental element of language acquisition in children adopting their first language. Individuals living in different societies socialize children to language through naturally occurring stories, often told to children through other individuals within the society. Language acquisition in different societies occurs accompanied by the enculturation, with both processes occurring concurrently.